be careful out there!

All ye sweet pirate lasses, take heed, and be careful around those stumps!

true story:

A man walks into a bar and orders a drink. While he is waiting for it he spots a pirate sitting in the corner of the bar. The pirate has two wooden arms and two wooden legs. Naturally curious, the man gets his drink, walks over to the pirate and asks, "Excuse me sir, I hope you don't mind but I couldn't help noticing that you have two wooden arms and two wooden legs. You must have been involved in some fierce sea battles?"

The pirate looked up, paused and said, "Arrrr no... me father was a tree!"

did you know this pirate personally.?

Aye, me lady, ye know ye should not have asked, but ye did.... so let me tell you, aye, yes, I knew him well, me old pal Woody. We went to university together, where we earned our B.S. degrees in B.S. and Forestry. He went on to become a receptionist at a cigar store, but branched out into other endeavors as well. He was of course the inventor of aluminum baseball bats, and a tireless campaigner for the save the rain forest foundation. Despite being a rather awkward, lumbering chap, he was known by the ladies as quite a stud, and so did sow his seeds amongst the many who pined for him. When he was cut down later in life, his weeping widow made his coffin out of his limbs and planted him in the Emerald Forest. True story!